Starting Over
by Marissa
Summary: Eight years after Kara's death Shane realises he must move on with help from Stephanie, Test and Jeff Hardy, sequal to Kara's Story. (Please R&R)
1. One Life Gone, Another Arrives

Beginning Over  
Disclaimer: I don't own the usual suspects. Thalia and Kara are my own creations. Any other characters own themselves. Lyrics are used without permission.  
I'm in the hospital, Kara's dead. She dead and it's all my fucking fault. She's dead and now they're in there trying to save my child. Something else I did. I never deserved her, she gave me everything. Stephy's here, she never really got close to Kara but she 'feels my pain', suposedly. Bullshit. How can she understand what it feels like to lose your best friend, lover and the mother to your child in one blow. If I hadn't put her in prison this would never have happened. How could she be pregnant? Why didn't she tell me? I loved her, I'd have done anything for her. She left me a letter, I can't read it. I don't want to hear her say how much she hates me. Stephy's taliking to me, I don't want to hear it. Great, she can tell I'm not listening, she's coming over.  
"Shane, did you hear me?" she asks  
"Sorry Steph I'm not in the mood." I reply.  
"Shane, read the letter. You need to." I might not want to listen, but she's right. I pick it up from where I dropped it. Slowly I peel back the paper. I pull out the cheap paper, it's got Kara's neat script on it. Stephy looks at it and leaves me alone.   
'Shane,  
I love you, I love you so much that it hurts for me to write this. I can't live anymore. I didn't do anything but in here I feel so guilty.  
My cellmate punishes me for 'hurting' you. I could never hurt you, I'm sorry.  
I'm sorry for everything, especially for not telling you about our baby. I couldn't, I wanted to, but I wanted you to marry me for love, not because I was pregnant. I hope you can understand.  
I have no choice but to kill myself, if I don't I will be killed.  
When you read this I'll be dead. I'm a selfish bitch. Where ever I go after death, I'll be watching over you.  
Just do one thing for me, promise me. Promise me you will leave Marissa, she's no good. I love you.  
Kara'  
I read it in a rush, not absorbing the weight of the text. Not wanting to remember. I re-read the letter slowly. She's asking me for forgiveness, ever since the day of her trial I've silently been asking for her forgiveness. My phone begins to ring. I look at the ID, Marissa. I answer it, dropping the letter.  
"Hello Marissa." I say wearily  
"Shane, baby, where are you? You missed our date," she says sickly sweetly.  
"Marissa, Kara's dead, I'm at the hospital." I sigh, beginning to slowly realise what's happened.  
"Oh, so the bitch's dead, then why are you still there?"  
"Marissa, shut your damn mouth." I snap. "She's dead, but as of this moment, my child might not be."  
"Shaney, you can't be considering bringing the bastard home, if it does live. We talked about it...."  
"MARISSA! That is the last thing I have of Kara's, it's not a bastard. It's something you never wnated to give me. I will raise that child in my home. You will be getting the hell outta my home and you'll never say a single word to me or my kid, ever again." I hung up and threw the phone across the room. Marissa had severely crossed the line and I wasn't going to take it. I watched as the phone hit the wall and shattered. Finally, the tears that had been crying inside for so long came out in a flow of violent sobs. "Kara, I'm so sorry. I love you." I rest my head in my hands. The doctor walks in with Mom and Stephy. I don't acknowledge them but Mom rushes over and hugs me. I can tell she is crying too because her tears are making my shirt wet. I look up at the doctor.  
"Mr McMahon," she begins, "as you are aware, your former girlfriend suffered massive bloodloss. She has unfortunately died, however as I'm sure you're aware, she was pregnant. She was much furthur along than she thought, just into her 30th week. We have been able to save the baby. If you'll follow me." Oh God, I'm a father, that was the best news I'd recieved all day. I shakily stood, the doctor led me out of the room to a baby unit. My baby laid in an incubator at the foot a note read Maddox McMahon girl. I had a baby girl, through my tears I smile, she's so beautiful. Mom grabs hold my arm.  
"Oh Shane, she's beautiful." she says. "She needs a name."  
"What about Larissa Kara Maddox McMahon"  
"No, Larissa reminds me of Marissa."  
"How about Amanda?".  
"Mom, what about Thalia Louise McMahon?"  
"It's beautiful." I smile at her, but I don't feel happy. I need to give my daughter everything I can. My little Thalia, so perfect, not realising the chaos she'd been born into. I turn to the doctor.  
"May I hold her?" she nods. I approach my baby girl and slowly pick her up. She's so small, she opens her eyes and looks at me. She's got her momma's eyes, my nose and her mothers lips. I'm saddened to look at her, she's so much like Kara that I'll never be able to forget what happened, not that I ever could. Andrew Martin has appeared with Stephy, I look at them. There's wonder in their eyes.  
"Stephy, Drew meet Thaila Louise McMahon. My baby girl." They smile at me.  
"May I hold her big bro?" I hold Thalia tighter, it must have been obvious. "Sorry, I didn't think."  
"Shane O' I miss her too. She left you with the greatest gift ever." I can feel myself begin to cry again. Thalia's huge eyes gaze up at me. I never want to let her go, I trust my sister, friend and mother though. I gently pass her to my sister.  
"Thalia, meet your Aunt Steph." I say. Stephanie then passes my daughter to my mother.  
"Hey, Mom. Your Granddaughter." Stephy says before hugging me. Drew eventually recieves my daughter.  
"Drew would you like to be Thalia's God father?" I ask carefully.  
"I'd love to but, why me?"  
"You because you are one of my best friends and I know Kara thought so much of you."  
"Thanks Shane."  
"I want Vicki to be God mother." I say, I've just thought this, I want my daughter home. Mom's holding my new baby, I can see her being a heartbreaker. 


	2. Revelation

"Thalia, I'm home baby." I call, placing my briefcase on the floor.  
"Daddy!" Thalia runs towrds me, I pick her up and spinn her around.  
"Hey Shane." Steph says from the doorway. I return my daughter onto the floor.  
"Hey sis " I smile at her, my sister has been fantastic since, Thalia's birth. I wouldn't have been able to do anything without her help.  
"How's Titan, Daddy?" my baby asks.  
"It's been fine, baby." I look at her and my smile fades. Everytime I look at her I see Kara. I sit down with her on the couch, there's a dull pain in my chest. It was caused by my huge mistake, killing her mother. Thalia curls up next to me and rests her head against my chest, I stroke her long dark hair. She smiles at me.  
"Daddy, tell me about Mommy," she says picking up a photogarph of Kara and I.  
"Your mommy was beautiful, just like you. She was funny and smart and perfect. I loved her very much and she's up there right now waching you."  
Stephy called Thalia into the kitchen to help her. I went upstairs and changed into jeans and a t shirt. I went back downstairs and watched my sister and daughter talk.  
"Aunt Stephy, you're real pretty, was mommy as pretty as you?"  
"Sweetie, your mother was really pretty, just like you."  
"But, what happened to mommy?" That question had been asked before, but every time she asked I feared that she knew the truth.  
"Honey, she died in a car crash. You know that."  
"But, Chris said that my mommy killed herself." I sat bolt upright. My baby knew, I'd have to tell her.  
"Thalia, come here honey." I pick her up and sit her on my knee. "Your mommy.... Baby ya see this?" I hold up my shirt and point at my scar from the shooting. She nods. "I was shot in the hallway here," her hand flew to her mouth and her eyes grew wide. "I thought your momma did it. I don't know why and I've regretted what I did ever since. She went to prison for a long time, she did kill herself." I admitted.  
My child was crying, she jumped off my lap and ran off shouting : "You lied, I hate you."   
"What have I done wrong?" I ask.  
"Nothing, she's eight Shane, she was gonna find out sooner or later. I'll talk to her."  
"Thanks Stephy, I'll finish dinner." I get up and finish off the food. I never wanted her to find out how I screwed up. I'm older now, I don't forgive myself. I can't forgive myself. I'm 39 and still single. Stephy tries to get me with people, but I can't respond. I can't find love, if I do.... it'd happen again. I sigh. Stephy re-appears.  
"Sorry, she won't leave her room. I tried." I sit back down and let her take over.  
"I'm pushing her away, I'm going to kill her like I killed her mother." I shout, rage has taken over and I throw a glass.  
"Shane, calm down, she won't go anywhere, she's just shocked. Anyway, I'm going home, don't worry." I look at my sister, she looks huge. I wonder if Kara looked like that when she was pregnant.  
"Yeah, go home to Drew, make sure he looks after you, I know these wrestler types." she smiles at me and leaves. I turn off the food and head upstairs. 


	3. Explanation

Normal Howard Bradley 4 1 2001-11-12T18:18:00Z 2001-11-12T18:18:00Z 2 980 5589 Self 46 11 6863 9.2720 

               I press my  ear to the door of my babys room, I hear her sobs and sigh. I walk off and slowly place the key to Kara 's and mine's room. Slowly I open the door. I can smell her, I can almost see her smiling at me. Her favourite evening dress is on the bed, next to it is what I came in for. Kara's favourite jewellry. I go to the dresser and rumage carefully for the box to the jewels. I find it and I sit on the bed, careful not to sit on the dress. I pick up the necklace, the diamonds and amethyst glisten in the light. Kara hated gold, so I insisted on this being silver. I wanted to have her buried wearing these but Stephy told me to keep them for Thalia. I place the chain in the box and similarly add the ring and earrings. I close the box and get up. I pick up a cd from the shelf and left the room. I locked the door and locked the pain away again. I stand by my daughters door and I tap on the wood. I open the door and smile weekly at my eight year old daughter who has tears that glisten on her cheeks. I approach her and leaning over I wipe away her tears with my thumb. I smile at her, she holds her arms out in the international sign of the hug. I sit down and hug her. When she pulls away she looks at the box in my hand.

               "What's that?" she asks

               "It's for you." I hand it to her. I watch her open the box. Her eyes widen and sparkle with the reflection of the precious stones.

               "Dad, they're beautiful. Are they Aunt Stephy's?" I laugh.

               "No baby, they were your Moms. They were her favourites and I thought you should have them." I take out the necklace and I place it around her throat.

               "Thank you Daddy." she reminds me of Stephanie and Dad. It's a father and daughter thing. I don't believe that Steph hasn't had kids yet. The attention Drew and Steph throw on Thalia is excessive. Thalia hugs me again.

               "Thalia, I'm going to tell you everything that happened with your Mom and I." I sigh and show her to my study. I open my drawer and take out Kara's final letter. "Your mom wrote this when she ws in prison, just before... she died." I can't say killed herself or suicide. I hand her the note, she reads it aloud.

               "Shane,

               I love you, I love you so much that it hurts for me to write this. I can't live anymore. I didn't do anything but in here I feel so guilty.

               My cellmate punishes me for 'hurting' you.

               I could never hurt you, I'm sorry.

               I'm sorry for everything, especially for not telling you about our baby. I couldn't, I wanted to, but I wanted you to marry me for love, not because I was pregnant. I hope you can understand.

               I have no choice but to kill myself, if I don't I will be killed.

               When you read this I'll be dead. I'm a selfish bitch. Where ever I go after death, I'll be watching over you.

               Just do one thing for me, promise me. Promise me you will leave Marissa, she's no good. I love you. Kara." I'm crying, I haven't read that letter since I first recieved it. I want to compose myself but I can't. I still feel responsible for her death. "Who's Marissa?"

               "I was married to that.... her before I met your momma. I haven't seen her since your mother died. Your mother always thought it was her who shot me, I know she did now. I didn't know bout you at all, until we were in court...." I let you and broke down, Thalia is edging out of the room. I'm sitting here crying, for the first time in eight years I'm crying over Kara. I put on the CD I took from our room and sat listening to the words. 'I want love but it's impossible, a man like me so irresponsible, a man like me is dead in places other men feel liberated. And I can't love shot full of holes......' Elton Johns haunting voice fills the room. I can picture the video for this song, Robert Downey Jr. walking round an empty house. I can relate to him in this video. My mind drifts to Kara singing this song one night. She sounded beautiful. 'I want a love that won't break me down, won't brick me up, won't fence me in. I want love that don't mean a thing. I want love.' I stopped listening and thought of all the good memories of myself and Kara, I remember of how we tickled each other into submission. She won, something I always denied, she kissed me until I submitted. A new song has begun, I think it's  'Leyna' by Billy Joel, She used to change the lyrics to 'Shane O', each of these song has a memory. I glance at the case, I read the titles of the songs. Kara had an interesting taste in music. Another song catches my eye, Snakes by Robert Downey Jr. thinking about it she must have been attracted to him. I was a snake. God, eight years, she seems to have been gone forever in my heart. I still need her, I need her so much. "Kara, I'm sorry, I need you. I love you, I always have and I always will. Forgive me, please. Please Kara, please." I plead, my blurry eyes never leave her picture. I think back to her funeral, but I remember so little of it.

               _I stood in my black suit and white shirt, nothing overly special. Marissa was next to me fiddling with her perfectly manicured nail. I couldn't get her out of my life, she apologized repeatedly and said that she'd be Thalia's mother. I can't cry, my heart was heavy with tears, but they didn't seem to come out of my eyes. I looked at Kara's mother sobbing into a lace handkerchief, I wasn't able to feel anything, I dropped my clump of soil and left silently, Marissa following close behind. At the reception cum wake Kara's mother came to talk to me, she was carrying my daughter._

_               "Mr McMahon, I'd like to thank you."_

_               "Why?" I asked almost bored with the conversation already._

_               "For the service, it was beautiful." Thalia was handed to me carefully. "You meant a great deal to Kara, I just wished I understood what happened."_

_               "Me too," I mutter smiling weakly. I know what happened, I killed her, simple._

_               "Shaney, I'm going shopping for a new outfit." Marissa says in my ear._

_               "Fine," it's all I can manage. I remember my promise to Kara. "But don't come back Marissa, I don't need you and neither does my daughter."_

               That was it, the last I saw of Marissa, she called me and must have taken her things, but I never saw her again. I lost the two loves of my life that day. I dry my eyes and I turn off the music. I knock my hair out of my eyes, I've grown it since then, it now rests just above my shoulder, it's my way of forgetting the past. I glance at my watch, Smackdown! starts in a few minutes.


	4. Fright

I open the door and join Thalia on the couch. "Hey honey. Sorry."  
"It's okay Dad, I miss her too." I'm stunned by her understanding.  
"We both do, but I know that she is watching us right now and that she protects you and loves you."  
"Did you love her?" I'm taken aback by this question, but I smile at her.  
"Yeah, I loved... love her so much" Thalia snuggles up to me, like her mother used to. We sit and start watch the show. I get up to get a soda.  
"DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" my baby girl screams from the den.  
"What's wrong?" I ask rushing to her aid.  
"Dad, look." I look at the sceen and see a 'classic clip', a recent addition to the show. The clip is of a younger, happier me fighting Kurt Angle, I'm being thrown through a glass panel at 'King Of The Ring'.   
"I remember that fight, Kara was backstage and Dad had to stop her from 'saving' me." I laugh. "She nearly killed me after that stunt. Bad choice of words."  
"Were you okay, Dad?"  
"Hey, don't worry about me, I'm indestructable. I'm still here aren't I?"  
"Yeah, but were you hurt?"  
"A few scratches, thats all." I haven't stepped in a ring since... I don't know when. Probably since I was shot. In a way I miss it, but without Kara, it wouldn't be right.  
"Good." Thalia squeezes me tightly. We watch the main event and then go to bed. 


	5. Talking With The Dead

Normal Howard Bradley 2 0 2001-11-12T18:20:00Z 2001-11-12T18:20:00Z 1 Self 1 1 9.2720 

               _"Hey, Shaney." Kara coos smiling at me._

_               "Hi babe. How are you?" I ask._

_               "Kinda dead." she replies grinning. "Shane, I'm watching you. Our kid is amazing. You done a good job Daddy."_

_               "Thanks, I had help ya know."_

_               "I know," she says_

_               "I miss you Kara." I say biting my lip._

_               "I know you do. I'm sorry."_

_                "No, I'm sorry. I doubted you and I made the biggest mistake of my life."_

_               "I thought that was Marissa?"_

_               "No, losing you was the biggest, she comes a close second."_

_               "Oh, Shane." Kara sighs._

_               "I love you." I tell her hoping she'll stay._

_               "I love you too. Now, please listen to me," she turns serious. _

_               "Anything."_

_               "You miss the ring, you miss the adrenaline, you miss the atmosphere. Why don't you go back?"_

_               "I can't. Not without you." I'm starting to sob._

_               "You can, I want you to. I want Thalia to be exposed to that side of the business. I want you to be happy. Move on from me Shane, celibacy not the way to go."_

_               "I'm happy alone, but, I can't take Thalia on the road, out of school."_

_               "Jeez Shane, you can. Follow your heart." Kara fades away into the blackness leaving me alone._


	6. Deciding To Go Back

I wake up and sit bolt upright. Flicking on the light I realise I'm alone in bed. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, I remember my conversation with Kara. She wanted me to go back to the ring, I pick up the phone by my bed and call my parents.  
"'Lo?" Pops answers sleepily.  
"Dad, it's me." I say.  
"Shane what the hell are you doing calling me at three in the morning?" he snarls.  
"Dad, I wanna get back in the ring."  
"So you choose now to tell me?"  
"Dad, I can't explain it. But, Kara talked to me and told me to live."  
"Shane, have you thought about your daughter?"  
"Yes, I can do what I used to. Be away Monday and Tuesday and Sundays for pay-per-views. Thalia can have a tutor or can stay in school and I can have a nanny for her the days I'm away." I was talking rapidly. "Please."  
"Talk to me tomorrow Shane and get a haircut."  
"Thanks, sorry Dad. Bye."  
"Yeah, bye."I hang up and smile, turning over I turn out the light and return to sleep.  
----------------------------------------  
I hurry to get Thalia to school so I can go to work before my father. I drop my daughter off at her friend Gina's so they can walk together. I drive into the office and rush to Dad's office. I'm sat in his chair when he arrives.  
"Shane, are you feeling alright?" is his greeting.  
"Sure, I feel great." I say spinning around in the comfortable leather chair.  
"Get outta my chair." Dad's Mr McMahon's voice commands. I obey and move to the other chair. Dad places his briefcase on the desk and sits in his chair. "So, you want to get back in the ring?"  
"Yep."  
"Shane, you've been gone eight years. Why the sudden change?"  
"I had a dream, Kara told me to get on and get back in the ring."  
"Well, I.. I don't know what to say," he sounded suprised.  
"Say that you're going to call a meeting to discuss it."  
"Yes, I will. But, this is sudden. Last time I asked you, you were adamant that you wanted no part of it."  
"Like I said I dreamt of Kara telling my to follow my heart and get back it the ring. I thought I could come back to put my dear family back in place. You, Stephy and Drew are way too powerful at the moment." I explained  
"Fine, but what about my granddaughter?" Dad has always been protective of Thalia.  
"I told ya last night, I will either bring her with me and she can have her own personal tutor or she can have a nanny when I'm not here." I explain.  
"Fine, you're a McMahon and I we can't have our minds changed."  
"True." I agree.  
"I'll call a meeting this afternoon for your return next pay-per-view."  
"DAD!!!!"  
"What? Oh, no. We're not rushing this."  
"I want to be back on Monday."  
"Hey, big bro." Stephanie calls from the doorway. "You want to come back?"  
"Yes he does, on Monday." Dad answers for me.  
"Wow, good for you, Shane," my sister smiles.  
"Don't encourage him."  
"Thanks Steph. I'll see you at the meeting Pops. Bye." I start to leave the room.  
"If you're coming back, get a damned haircut." I shake my head and leave smiling.  
----------------------------------------  
The meeting with the writers is trailing on. This is the first I've attended since Kara left and God, they've got boring. I sip on my coffee, proof that some things never change.  
"Now, Mr McMahon, you wish to return?" the head writer says.  
"Shane, please," I sigh, another thing that hasn't changed. "Yes, I do want to return, on Monday."  
"This Monday?" someone asks me incredulously.  
"Yeah, that isn't a problem is it?" I question.  
"Not if we work nights and all weekend." the head writer mutters.  
"Just make it happen." I order. I smile and lay out my plan with the storyline. "Done." I finish and sit through another forty minutes of absolute boredom. 


	7. Telling Thalia

I'm watching my daughter playing with Drew on the lawn. She's giggling and laughing with the wrestler. I smile at them and turn to Steph.  
"Am I doing the right thing Steph?" I ask.  
"Yeah, you're moving on. Have you told Thalia?"  
"Not yet,"  
"She's forgiven you I see."  
"Oh, that. Yeah, I gave her some of Kara's favourite jewellery and explained everything."  
"She told me. Are you alright?" she queried.  
"Why wouldn't I be?" I inquire.  
"Thalia told me you were upset."  
"I miss her Steph. I loved her so much, it's taken me eight years to admit that. I want to hold her, Thalia's so much like her."  
"I know," she presses her hand to her belly.  
"You okay?" I ask, I can't offer my pregnant sister any advice because I never witnessed Kara's pregnancy.  
"Yeah, this kids gonna be a wrestler, I just know it."  
"God, I can't imagine our kids being in the ring."  
"Ooh, I can and I bet every WWF fan fiction writer can."  
"What do you see?" I question.  
"I see Thalia being one tough chick that gets the fans respect and treats you as well as we treated Mom and Dad. I think that she'll fall in love with a wrestler and that you and my baby or one of your future children trying to beat his ass into submission."  
"You think?"  
"Definatly." I smile and look back at the subject of our conversation.  
"Thalia. come here a minute," she runs over to me.  
"Yeah Dad?"  
"I'm going to be away on Monday."  
"Why?"  
"I'm going back to work in the ring."  
"What?" she looked confused.  
"I'm going to be on RAW, with Aunt Steph, Uncle Drew and Grandpops."  
"Really?" she exclaimed  
"Yeah, do you want to come with me?" I offered.  
"Can I? Will I get go to the ring?" her eyes and smile are huge.  
"Yes, you can come with me. Yes you can stand in the ring, just not during the show."  
"Cool. Thanks Dad." Thalia hugs me and runs off to gloat to Drew. 


	8. First Show Back

I peer out around the black curtain, the arena's packed. I'm nervous, scared of how the fans will react to me, if they remember me. Thalia's studying a monitor and laughing. Everyone's changed, few people that were her before are still here, Joanie, DX, Steve, Mick, Mark, Glenn and JP have gone. Duane, Adam, Jason and Chris Irvine are all that are left except for Drew and my family. I sigh and wait for my cue, Stephy's whining with Dad.  
"Everyone of you who goes against me will be crushed like a bug...." I inhale deeply and hear my music play.  
'Here comes the money.' I step out and hold the microphone tightly. The crowd seem stunned, I'm not sure if they recognise me or have I been away too long.  
"Hey guys." I say smiling. "Remember me?"  
"Sh... Shane." Stephanie stutters.  
"Son, what are you doing here?" Dad asks.  
"I'm here, that's all that matters. You'll see why soon." I turn and walk backstage, the crowd cheer for me.  
"Shane Brandon McMahon get back here, right now." Dad shouts. I act like I'm ignoring him, waiting for my next cue.  
"Shane, Shane. You came here with no purpose? Well, I'm gonna give you one. Tonight, you can take on my husband, Test." I walk back out and slowly pace to the ring.  
"Stephy, I'm not here to fight. I'm delivering a warning. There's a mutany starting, you are under threat. I don't see you in eight years and you wanna start a fight. Well sis, Dad, you got one. Just not a physical battle." Steph tries to slap me, I block her hand and Drew comes out and 'pounds' me. As I'm 'helped' backstage the crowd give me a huge pop. Inwardly I smile, if they don't know who I am I sure got their support and attention. 


End file.
